Sorrow's Song Of Endings

Sorrow's Song of Endings

Father.
You words once sang through my head,
a scourge upon my heart,
a wound that would not heal.
A mirror shattered,
a vessel broken,
a world weary heart torn.

Your words were my punishment,
for never being -
what you wanted,
what you expected,
what you hoped for.

The harder I fought you,
the louder your words reverberated through my mind -
you are nothing,
you are a heathen,
you are ........pitiful.

And for every step forward I took,
for every moment I fought you,
those words ebbed at my soul.
And I believed them, somewhere in my heart of hearts.
Yes, I did.
I doubted my worth.
I doubted my abilities.
I doubted myself.

To be brought so low, and yet not be broken.
To be brought to the moment of death, and yet survive.

It was there, on my deathbed, Father,
all along it had waited -
waited to be noticed,
waited to be acknowledged,
waited for me to wake myself from my delerium.

It was there, on my deathbed, Father,
that I saw myself, whole.
It was then that your words
could no longer touch me,
penetrate me,
wound me.

It was then that something eternal took hold of me,
something beyond your words
and beyond your reckoning.

I am not like you, Father.
I never was, nor shall I ever be.
I am the fruit of your loins,
and indeed your blood courses through my veins.
But I am beyond you, beyond your words,
beyond your petty whimpers of protest -
that I am nothing. For you see, Father,
you were right.

I am nothing.
I am everything.
I am a part of everything,
and everything is a part of me.
And I am eternal,
ethereal,
and beautiful in my own right.
I am as much a light in the night sky,
as all other beings are that bear souls.

And so, my Father,
it is you who is blind.
It is you.......you Father, that should be pitied.
For you do not see in yourself,
what I have found in myself and others.
A light so bright, so strong, so powerful,
that one might even call it deity.

Stay in your safe box, Father.
Close your eyes so you do not bear witness.
Stay blind if you choose.
And I.......I shall soar on wings of heavenly amber
and walk in places you fear to tread.
I am free, Father. I am free.